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Dave's Ballad

By Funk McLovin (Bandcamp, YouTube).
Released 11/23/2020.
Duration: 1:54.

Listen on Bandcamp.

Contributors:

Lyrics:

I was walkin' down the street practicing some rhymes
Just like you do when you're the knight of time
When a realization struck me clear out the blue
In through the outdoor I pulled the wazoo

I saw the time foam in a paradox space
And faster than the bunny won the tortoise race
I knew you had to make a lun-choice
You had to utter two words with your very own voice

And June if you didn't then there's just one catch
If you didn't select one of Calliope's snacks
One final timeline that I know to be true
I'm having a baby and the baby is you

JUNE: but dave...
JUNE: the tortoise won the race.
KARKAT: IT DOESN'T MATTER RIGHT NOW, JUNE.
KARKAT: FOCUS ON THE BABY PART.

Well I'm having a baby and the baby is you
I'm having a baby and the baby is you
I'm having a baby and the baby is you
I know this to be true

I'm having a baby and the baby is you
I'm having a baby and the baby is you
I'm having a baby and the baby is you
You better buy some tiny shoes

JUNE: how the hell does this even work??
DAVE: oh well im glad you asked

You'll remember in a time in a game called SBURB
When "ectobiologize" was the key verb
You made a bunch of shitty little baby clones
And sent them to the appropriate time zones

But along the way the wires got crossed
And out into the first ring baby June was tossed
You could see how this could be
A little problem metaphysically

Because if you're marooned in the depths of space
You couldn't make the baby clone of yourself in the first place
And now to complete the right time loop
I've been impregnated and the baby is you

Well I'm having a baby and the baby is you
I'm having a baby and the baby is you
I'm having a baby and the baby is you
I know this to be true (oooh!)

I'm having a baby and the baby is you (...)
I'm having a baby and the baby is you
I'm having a baby and the baby is you
You better buy some tiny shoes

JUNE: dave, what the fuck.

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