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Off Brand

By Funk McLovin (Bandcamp, YouTube).
Released 11/23/2020.
Duration: 3:58.

Listen on Bandcamp.

Contributors:

Lyrics:

JUNE: i hope dave is okay.
JUNE: what do you think will happen if something goes wrong?
JUNE: what if i evaporate, like in back to the future?
KARKAT: IT'LL BE FINE, JUNE.
JUNE: but i've been hearing trumpet playing from the delivery room this whole time.
KARKAT: NO DON'T WORRY, THAT'S JUST THE DOCTOR FROM TRACK FOUR.
JUNE: oh, right.

I know it's off brand
But I wouldn't worry
Dave's a strong sort of guy

He's a good dad
So we'd better hurry
And pull ourselves together, here's why

Through these nine months
I've hemmed and I've hawed
But here's the conclusion I came to

It's surreal and unfun
But I've been so in awe
You me and Dave too

I know it's our friend
But I sort of agree
Dave's taken this just like a champ

It's not the most grand
That the baby is me
But we really oughta be in Dave's camp

Through these nine months
I've been so horrified
About the implications metaphysic

But through these nine months
Not one single time
Have I told Dave he's terrific

I know it's not grand
But the trio of us
Two dads and one paradox daughter

Can be hand in hand
One family of us
Come temporal hell or high water

DAVE: well folks great news
JUNE: oh, dave! thank god.
KARKAT: DAVE, LOOK AT HER.
KARKAT: IT'S A LITTLE JUNE.
JUNE: i'm still not entirely sure how it was born with my glasses on...
DAVE: i have some bad news
KARKAT: WHAT IS IT?
JUNE: what do you mean?
DAVE: to preserve the time loop this baby has to go back in time and live your childhood june
DAVE: we cant keep it
KARKAT: ...I GUESS THIS IS OUR ONE CHANCE TO SAY GOODBYE.

I know it's off brand
But I'm teary-eyed
I love this little dude most

Karkat my man
And June buddy of mine
Now I know why we're so close

When we were kids
Playing SBURB
I knew that we all were connected

Through all this amidst
Our trials absurd
It's not quite the way we expected

I know it's off brand
But the trio of us
Two dads and one paradox daughter

Can be hand in hand
One family of us
Come temporal hell or high water

DAVE: well
DAVE: that was weird
DAVE: i gotta admit im kinda sad that i didnt get to raise a little june
JUNE: i'm not...
KARKAT: WELL, AT LEAST WE LEARNED A VALUABLE LESSON FROM THIS.
DAVE: we did
KARKAT: SURE.
JUNE: what was it?
KARKAT: I DON'T FUCKING KNOW.
KARKAT: BUT I'M SURE SOMEDAY IT WILL COME IN HANDY.
KARKAT: LIKE SOME OBSCURE TRIAL WILL HAPPEN IN THE FUTURE AND WE'LL BE ABLE TO DRAW ON OUR COLLECTIVE KNOWLEDGE OF THE MECHANICS OF PARADOX IMPREGNATION.
JUNE: it's kind of like jesus, huh?
JUNE: a virgin birth.
DAVE: definitely not a virgin
KARKT: WHAT'S A VIRGIN?
JUNE: man, i wonder what would have happened if i'd chosen meat or candy.
DAVE: good question june buddy
DAVE: i guess the world will just never know
[Laughter.]
JUNE: probably for the best.

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Cover art by .