By PhemieC phemiec Bandcamp ugliarchy Bandcamp phemiec Tumblr hamsters SoundCloud.
Cover art by PhemieC phemiec Bandcamp ugliarchy Bandcamp phemiec Tumblr hamsters SoundCloud.
Released 6/5/2015.
Duration: 4:46.

Listen on SoundCloud, Spotify, Bandcamp, or YouTube.

Read artist commentary.

Lyrics:

There will be no soft sounds this time, no arms, not mine at least
Should've expected this, I guess, no "shh" can soothe your beast
And it was my problem once, that violence inside your eyes
Bright red and high with death and pie, and rage that never dies

And I used to blame myself, then I blamed everybody else, but never you
'Cause you were just a messed up kid
Who'd step in it, get scared and sit
And pray for goats and gods who would know what to forbid

And when you would reach out, well I'd run my big mean mouth and make it worse
And maybe I deserve that hurt
Destruction of my universe
So if you've gotta beat somebody up don't make it her

I'm sorry, I messed up, I'm not a leader anymore
I'm sorry, I messed up, I'm not a leader
Not a leader
Not a leader, friend

No more attempts to make you see, I tried, he succeeded, oh well
But what I can say to a girl who'd play with a noose of excuses until
Her big wicked grin disappears in the smoke, and crack goes the rope pulled true
I know enough about doubt and hating myself to tell that you now know it too

And I used to blame myself, then I blamed everybody else, including you
But you were perfect as you were
All angled out, a blinding blur
So bright and beautiful, and clever, yeah for sure

But when you would reach out, well I'd run my big mean mouth and make a mess
And now it's my turn to confess
I wasn't there, I didn't guess
That you were slipping, 'til you tripped right off the edge

I'm sorry I messed up, I'm not a leader anymore
I'm sorry I messed up, I'm not a leader, not a leader, not a leader
(I'm not a leader anymore, no more)

Said a thousand words but they never helped
I hid my scars from you out of shame
Took up the cause, yeah I took the helm
But I'm not the only one who's changed
I knew you first, I knew you best
I wish I'd stopped it way back then
When things were bad, but they still made sense
When we were kids, when we were friends

Friend Leader
Friend Leader
Friend Leader
Friend Leader

Artist commentary:

PhemieC: (SoundCloud commentary)

A Karkat Vantas Fansong, long awaited. It's basically about Karkat's perspective on Gamzee, Terezi and recent happenings in homestuck canon. Slightly spoiler.